Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
