You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
