Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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