you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
