my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
