I will die if light touches me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
