Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
