Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
are you so shy because you have an std?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
