I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize