Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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