The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Found the puke drawer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
