remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
