Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
