it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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