So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
