awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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