I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
