Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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