Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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