So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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