That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
