I CAN MOONWALK!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
