if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
