Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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