That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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