Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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