I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
