the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
