nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
