just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
