It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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