dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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