No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
