Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
