yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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