How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
