i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
