Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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