literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
