I wish I could punch you in the face.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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