She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
