There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
