I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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