Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
