saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
