Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
