She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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