Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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