he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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