so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
