i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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