i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
