I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
