absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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