Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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