So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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