i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
