So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Girls should come with a carfax report
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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