I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
