it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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