She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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