Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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