We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
