You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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