she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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