haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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