It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
