I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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