How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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