I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this boner is exhausting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Your cock deserves a montage
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
