I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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