he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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