I can text with my tongue
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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