in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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