do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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