Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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