tell your sister to shave her snatch
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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