did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
