I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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