Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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