I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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