tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
