sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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