Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
