I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
