Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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