Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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