I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
